What Keeps LDS Young Adults from Marriage
What keeps LDS young adults from getting married?
The biggest thing keeping LDS young adults from building relationships that lead to marriage is a lack of maturity.
With more distractions and comforts than ever before, it’s easy to sidestep growth and maturity. Plus, most LDS youth are used to participating in experiences that are facilitated by others. These often include defined guidelines for moral safety and the threat of eternal consequences when it comes to making decisions. This creates the fear of mistakes. As a result, LDS young adults are having a hard time with confidence, dating, and decision-making.
Why LDS young adults lack confidence when it comes to dating:
It’s common for church leaders and parents of YSA to continue to facilitate activities for LDS young adults and continue to treat them like teenagers. A teenage life does not lead to happiness, confidence, or real relationships for young adults.
Why? Because happiness can only come with responsibility and love. Real relationships, such as marriage, are two independent people making independent choices. Independence is key!
To those young adults who want to be to get married, I invite you to consider dating someone who is adulting, not teenager-ing. Choose adulting for yourself. How can you know if you or your potential partner is on that adult path? What does that look like? Why would you want this?
Keep reading.
How LDS young adults can prepare for marriage:
Some of the BEST things to do for a relationship are not connected to the relationship itself. Grow yourself up! If you want to feel happier, more confident, and more connected to others, step into your own life.
An Exercise:
Take a look at the following list. Pick one at a time.
With each one, ask yourself the following:
Is this what I want in a partner?
Is this what I want for me?
Notice which things speak to you. Which ones feel the most uncomfortable?
Go through the list twice, once for what you want in a potential partner and once for yourself.
Do I want this type of person for a spouse?
Do I want this for myself?
The dating for marriage prep list for LDS young adults :
Aim for financial freedom from your parents. Tuition, car, housing, phone, etc. When you accept money or any other kind of financial aid from your parents or any other provider, they get to define the terms. For example: A grandparent who allows you to have the trust fund check only if you live by standards defined by them. “If your parents pay, they have a say.”
Get a job. If you are in school full time, make that your job. As you read this, define your job. If you are looking for a job, then it is your job to get a job.
Start paying rent. If you are living with your parents or anyone else rent free. Look up how much it is to rent a room in the area where you live. Add to that amount anything that comes with that room like utilities, laundry, food, etc.
Contribute to the keeping of a home. It doesn't matter who you live with or if you live alone. Do your household chores. As you read this, define three household chores.
Practice making decisions on your own without having to always turn to family, friends, or your romantic interest for advice or approval. If you need help, ask someone you are afraid to ask (someone out of your comfort zone).
Do the one grown-up thing you've been putting off. What is that one thing? What keeps you from doing it? As you read this, say that one thing out loud.
Look honestly at the lies you are telling yourself. Excuses, explanations, justifications, defense, rationalizations. Example: "I have to live with my parents because I can’t afford to move out." Where is the lie in this? How does it keep you from stepping into your own life? It’s easy to come up with all kinds of reasonable sounding lies. If you need help increasing your awareness of the lies you tell yourself, contact me.
Go on one-on-one dates. It's time to branch out from how it was done in high school. Don't put your dating life out there for deliberation among the friend group or your family. You're old enough now to make your own dating decisions. If you want to be in a real relationship, you need to be clear. Define the relationship. If you would like to learn how to define the relationship, ask me. I’m happy to help.
If you are wondering about your own unique circumstances like, "Might I be an exception?" consider asking for more insight. I am happy to help! Click the contact button at the bottom of this page and shoot me an email.
