Navigating Mental Health Conditions in your Dating Life
What to ask when dating someone with a mental health condition:
Is this person being responsible for their mental health?
What to ask yourself if you are dating with a mental health condition:
Am I being responsible for my mental health?
Keyword: Responsible.
How to tell if someone is being responsible for their mental health condition:
1. They tell the truth about the condition and how it is affecting them presently. They provide helpful information when asked.
2. They are seeking or getting the help and support they need.
3. They are investing in curative, medicinal, or therapeutic measures.
4. They don’t expect you to advocate, fix, or understand their condition.
5. They do not demand special treatment, validation, or respect, but they do make loving requests without apologies.
6. They are taking care of some of their basic needs, such as sleep, nutrition, hydration, and moving the body (outdoors when possible).
7. They want to learn, grow, and progress despite the mental health obstacles they are currently facing.
You’re Not Alone
In today’s world, it’s generally acceptable to be open and honest about mental health. Sharing the truth about your mental health issues can create more opportunity for connection, love, and understanding. It’s actually the most responsible way of showing up in a relationship. Most people can relate to the challenges of managing and talking about mental health conditions.
Timing – When to Tell Someone that You Have a Mental Health Condition
As soon as possible. However, it is not necessary to spill your guts all at once on a first date. It is wise and mature to be upfront and honest. On a first date start small. It’s helpful to be well informed and clear with yourself first, before you open up. Practice saying it out loud to yourself. Formulate a dialogue that is clear, concise, and quick (CCQ). Can you say it in 1-3 sentences? Will you leave room for sincere questions? Will you leave out the justifications, excuses, and apologies? The reason for using CCQ is for clarity. Communication is key, but overcommunicating can lead to confusion. Consider the option of keeping the communication lines open, so it’s not just a one-and-done conversation.
Fear of opening up or asking about mental health issues:
The best way to reduce fear is to have a plan in place. Part of your plan would be to rehearse or practice your dialogue. What do you want to say? How can you say it simply and informatively? How can you make requests related to the mental health issues? Requests start with the words, “Would you be willing…” Opening up is the only way to get through it and find out more about the person you are dating. What kind of relationship would it be, if you are afraid to talk about yourself or afraid to ask questions?
Should I date someone with mental health issues?
Be responsible for making wise decisions by getting as much information as you can. Have compassion and seek to understand without judgement. Trust yourself to make a decision based on the information you have.
Adults who live at home with their parents because of mental health issues:
Many people ask if this is a red flag. I would invite you to get more information and decide for yourself. Each situation is unique. Find out if there is a plan in place for moving out? Most adults who are still living with their parents are not ready to date for a committed, long-lasting relationship such as marriage. They need more time to develop confidence and to learn how to fully take responsibility for their own lives.
If you are living with your parents because of a mental health issue, I encourage you to focus on more and more incremental independence. Take steps to become as independent as you possibly can. Get help and support, as needed.
If your parents are resistant to your desire and need for independence, find out why. Then find ways to gain clarity by seeking professional mental health care.
Julie Balkman – Certified Life Coach LLC
***I am not a professional mental health care provider. Life Coaching is helpful for some mental health conditions, but life coaches are not therapists. They do not diagnose or treat mental health conditions.
